August.7, 2023

Hey bud,

It’s been ten years without you. It’s been a hard day as I’m reminded of the “what if’s”, the “what could have been’s” and remember all the hopes and dreams we had for you.

You were so perfect. There was no reason you were gone so soon. I still don’t know if that makes it harder or easier to know there was no reason you were born still.

I still think if you every single day. I don’t cry as often as I used to, but my mama heart still yearns for you all the time.

I wonder how our house would be different with you here. How our plans for the new house would have shifted to accommodate 4 kiddos instead of 3. I wonder how close you are and how often you’re nearby. I wonder if you’d be proud of me. I wonder what your personality is like.

The grief doesn’t overcome me as often as it used to, but on your birthday it’s a harsh reminder. But our family is forever. I’ll see you again. I’ll hold you and raise you. You’ll be with your crazy siblings, you’re amazing Dad and me one day. I know it.

In the mean time, we will keep missing you, remembering you and crying every once in a while because you are one loved little guy.

We didn’t ever get to hear you cry or get the chance to get to know you, but we didn’t need to, to love you. I love to the moon and back my boy.

Love,

Mom