March 7 2024

 Yesterday I got a horrible migraine. Around 11 i just started getting that weird blurry vision and wasn't able to really even see my computer. I laid down on the couch here at work for a while, but then ended up just going home after a while. The migraine continued, but then really the rest of the day i just had the side affects. My headache was bad and I stayed in bed most the day on and off. I would feel better and start doing things, but then i'd get dizzy or lightheaded or a nauseous feeling. I'm feeling quite a bit better today, but also still a little off. I'm about to go to high fit, but I'm not sure if I should or not.

Leah did after school program yesterday and then Thomas took her out for a daddy daughter date and they went and got Chinese food. She was thrilled to go do that with her Daddy, and it was special for them to go. 

Thomas has been really holding down the fort and taking care of our family big time lately. I've just been feeling so off and tired etc. I actually ended up going to the doctor last week to get some blood work because of all the struggles i've been having lately, but everything came back normal. Normal chemistry, thyroid markers were normal, Kidney and liver function normal, inflammatory markers normal, everyting was normal. Which is good news, but also, I don't feel normal. haha.

Kasen went to PE yesterday. He's been begging me to get him out of it, but I haven't and I don't think I will. It's really hard to make him do something that he says he hates so much, but I also can't keep bailing him out of things all the time just to make life more comfortable and easy.

Layton went to the gym with Thomas last night. I'm so glad they got to go together and i'm so happy they went and had a good time. 

I'm just back at work this morning and caught up with everything. Work is actually pretty dang slow lately which is fine, but also a bit boring. I feel like i catch up with everything in like 20 minutes and then just tackle menial dumb things the rest of the day. But it's all good. It's nice to have things running fairly smoothly. 

March.5, 2024

 I've been so up in my head how journaling should look, but quite honestly i'm over it and if i'm not showing up with pen and paper then typing it out is just gonna have to suffice! 

Things are good. 

Thomas: has started going to the gym this year and is loving it and it's so good for him to go! He is a super hero. he continues to be the rock in our family and we all love him for it. He's getting ready to start an FBA (fulfilled by amazon) course this week and he's excited about that. I think it will be a great avenue for him to be able to start selling his products etc. He is awesome.

Kasen: He has been sick the last couple days. It is the new trimester (last one of this year!) crazyyyy, and he's missed the first two days. He's fighting a sore throat and headaches etc. Just a sinus cold that hopefully will go away soon. He's getting so tall. He is almost as tall as me and it's just crazy. He is so fun and hilarious and really developing into such a kind awesome kid. He has tons of friends and I think Heavenly Father every day for his health and strength.

Layton: He is still the most deteremined, hard working and awesome kiddo he has always been. He is doing well in school with all of his advanced classes. He has been going to jumpstart two hours a week on Mondays and then goes and plays basketball at Jorja's gym several times during the week. He loves basketball sooo much and so I try and give him every opportunity to get in the gym. We just had a Track and Field meeting last night and track starts next week, which hilarious because it's freaking freezing cold and snowy outside.

Leah: She is as awesome as ever too. She is constantly the light of our day and the cutest things. She loves all things art, and music and dancing, and creativity. She loves to just listen to music in her room for hours on end and she creates, or draws or whatever. This means her room is constantly a huge disaster lol. She is doing basketball and piano right now and that keeps her busy. She is always wanting to have friends over too. She hates being woke up in the mornings and it's quite the ordeal to actually get her out of bed, but we are working on it. Leah is tons of fun.

We got our dog Cooper about a month ago. The kids ADORE him and just love him so much. He's a pretty cute dog and I love him too. Never thought I'd say that about a dog. lol.

Sept.12, 2023

 Things are going well. We've had a really great last few days. On Saturday Thomas and the boys went and did lawns. Leah and I just kind of cleaned and caught up on the house stuff for the morning, I also worked on the garage too. Then Dad, Mom and Ezra came over (they were at ezra's for the weekend).

It was so so nice because they came and helped put the bed together in the apartment, we also put the bonus room couch together. We also brought up the TV stand and some other things for the apartment and just got it all settled in and put together for Brooklyn and Cooper. 

On Sunday we went to Adam and Mari's for lunch to celebrate Adam's 40th birthday. It was actually pretty good. We had a nice lunch and just visited. Kasen didn't come because he hasn't been feeling good at all. I think I got him sick, because I was sick last week. We got homer around 5:30 and that night maybe around 6:30 or 7 Mom and Dad came to our house. We just kind of visited and hung out. Cleaned up some stuff, got them settled in etc.

Brooklyn and Cooper got in late Sunday night so we didn't see them, but Brooklyn came in for Breakfast and we got to see her then. So fun! 

After work and school and all the things everyone gathered back home. It was so so nice though because Mom was seriously so helpful and amazing yesterday. She dropped me off at work and then headed to Idaho Falls because she needed to do some returns. While she was there she got us some milk and other groceries. She also picked up Layton's contacts because he split another pair of the samples. She also went to Sherwin Williams and got some paint booklets and samples for us to look at for our front door.  She made White Chili Chicken for dinner, rolls and cinnamon rolls. It was like having a personal assistant all day and it was kind of amazing.

We did dinner and then Brooklyn and Cooper opened all of their gifts. It was fun to be there to watch them open all the gifts that have been sitting in our office for like a month. They got lots of great stuff! Then we let them be to work on trying to organize their apartment with all the things. 

The weather has been absolutely perfect and beautiful. I can't even get over it! I love September so much. The boys turn 13 in like 12 days and i can't even handle it! Where does the time go?

Sept.6, 2023

 Yesterday was a great day. It went by pretty fast. In the afternoon I started not feeling so well which continued all night and through the night i was achey and chills and all the things through the night, so I slept pretty awful but luckily this morning I was feeling much better. I'm still not 100% but I came in to work an all the things. 

All the kids seem to be doing pretty well at school. Layton is excelling in cross country and working really hard to do his best. I've been busy as always and just trying to make our life great and awesome. Of course being sick makes that harder, but that's okay. ha. I'm definitely grateful that my sciatic problems have calmed down! Last week was pretty awful, but i'm doing much better with that today. 

We finally got our Roku remote in the mail, so we can watch a TV show if we want for the first time in 3 months hahaha! Honestly, it does sound wonderful to just wind down with a show at night. 

The weather has been absolutely amazing. I'm loving September. I just want it to last forever. Kasen had a contact fall out this morning at school and he lost it so I had to go take him his glasses. Leah and I went to the dollar store last night and she wanted fake nails. I hate fake nails, but I also don't care if she like them. 

Thomas is doing good. He's always the glue for our family and I'm proud of him and all he does. He has applied for a security job at INL, and i'm really hoping and praying he gets it. That would be so wonderful and an amazing pay increase etc.Him and the boys are still mowing lawns which is a great financial benefit, but man it keeps us busy. We need to get so many things done for the apartment before Brooklyn and Cooper move in this weekend.

Anyway, life is good. I'm grateful for the gospel in our life. 

September.4, 2023

 Today is labor day and it's been a busy one, but the real reason I wanted to come and write today was to remember the weekend we had. On Friday we headed to Boise for Brooklyn and Cooper's wedding. It was just such a great weekend. We left at about 8:30 after Layton finished his morning cross country practice. We headed to Boise, and got there just in time for the sealing. It was so awesome to be in the sealing room and see so many friends and family and familiar faces. Their is definitely a special spirit in the temple and specifically in the sealing rooms. 

Brooklyn looked absolutely perfect and we had a great time taking pictures and sharing memories together with everyone. I was able to meet Cooper's family and they are great people. 

After the wedding and pictures and everything they had a catered lunch. They served Costa Vida and I just thought it was an awesome idea to make it so simple. It was so tastey and everyone loved it and it made it way simple. Everyone just visited and it was great.

After that we headed to Teija's. We all just hung out and that night we did smores. It was great to catch up with all the Hutchins girls. They are so wonderful and fun and just a light. I know each of them have been through some pretty tough trials in their lives, but they are strong and positive and just really really great people. 

We stayed at a neighbors house that no longer lives there. Tyanna, Janae and I and our families all stayed in this house. The boys all slept in the tent trailer, the girls stayed in Teija's basement, and then we all had rooms.

Saturday morning we headed over for breakfast which was pancakes! Teija is such a wonderful host and everyone just had the best time. She was such a gracious, thoughtful and awesome host. The day was spent just visiting and chatting and hanging out. In the afternoon we started setting up for the reception. The reception again, was just so well thought out, simple but beeautiful.

They had the reception in the back yard. They had string lights, white table cloths and I actually kind of headed up the flower arrangement for the center pieces. It wasn't something I thought of myself doing, but Emree and I were tasked with cutting the flowers from the garden and then we just started arranging haha! 

The centerpieces were beautiful and I absolutely loved that the flowers were all from Teija's garden. We had zenia's and sunflowers and then the real floral girl showed up with baby's breath and dalia's and all in all it was great. 

They had a cake table with a white background and then a big sign with "The Wilson's, 9.1.2023" which is where Brooke and Cooper stood. They had finger foods, that were mostly bread and spinach dip and then bean dip, cheese dip, and cowboy salsa and chips. It was yummy. They also had pumpkin bars.

All in all it was a wonderful and just such a positive and refreshing weekend. Late that night we loaded up Dad's truck with all their presents and Mom and Dad brought them to Rigby for Brooklyn. Mom and Dad were coming this way anyway because Dad is working in the area and Mom is watching Ezra's kids this weekend. 

Today is labor day and it's been busy. We went to Idaho Falls today. We went to Walmart, TJ Maxx, Home Depot, Sams Club and Winco. Just got a bunch of stuff to finish installing things like hardware in the house and finish some things in the apartment. We left around 10 and didn't get home till close to 3. Everything just takes longer than you think it will. Seriously, it's kinda frustrating.  When we got home. Mom came with all the Gwilliam kids. They all just hung out. Mom helped with some cleaning and emptying some stuff in the apartment. She is always so helpful when she visits and we sure appreciate her.

August.10, 2023

 As I come to type this today all I can think about is how incredibly grateful I feel for my life. I am so grateful for our beautiful home. We are finally all moved in. It feels super crazy that we are actually in our new house. Time is such a weird thing. We moved in on August.1 and so it has been ten days, but it feels like we literally just moved in yesterday. The days come and go and we are as busy as ever. But i am finding so much peace in our journey at this time. 

Things I love about the house so far are almost not even countable. I am loving our big bathroom. There is just so much more space. Our big shower is so refreshing and I love it. I love the tile I picked. I love our big bedroom. Our big windows bring in so much sunlight and I absolutely love that. I wake up in the mornings refreshed and ready to start the day. I just feel so much hope and promise. Life is not perfect. Finances are extremely tight and we spend way more on our mortgage then I thought we would . We really just need the dust to settle. We will be just fine, but just having to spend so much money left and right lately has really made it quite stressful.

I love our living room. I got some couches from Big Lots and i just truly love them. They are exactly what I pictured in our living room. I love our huge kitchen. All of the big windows and the light and the sunshine. I love the views. I love our living room rug. I love my oven. I love to cook on the gas stove top. I've really liked the lay out of the house and our new washer and dryer work so well. I love the new sounds. I love all the storage and locker space. I love the smells and the soft white colors and white oak I picked.

I will say if there is one thing i'm not loving, it's our white counter tops...... Man they show everything. Way worse than I thought they would. They look black scuffed in so many areas already. I need to figure out how to clean them. 

I'm excited to continue to make our house feel like our home. To create and make so many memories in the years to come. I'm grateful for Thomas and all of his hard work and efforts. He truly is such an amazing husband and Dad. I don't know what I would do without him.

Now that we are finally getting settled, I've been trying to make the mots of what summer we have left. We have been so insanely busy for so long (working at the house till dark every single day for the last 3 months) that we haven't done a lot of our normal Idaho summer activities. The kids are each getting a night to do a "late night" and have friends over. In fact as I sit and type this, Layton has his friends over and we are at The Station. They are watching a movie in the movie theater room and i'm catching up on some things.

I've been really focusing on my morning routine and creating good habits. I need to refocus on routine and habits and get my Optavia business back.

August.7, 2023

Hey bud,

It’s been ten years without you. It’s been a hard day as I’m reminded of the “what if’s”, the “what could have been’s” and remember all the hopes and dreams we had for you.

You were so perfect. There was no reason you were gone so soon. I still don’t know if that makes it harder or easier to know there was no reason you were born still.

I still think if you every single day. I don’t cry as often as I used to, but my mama heart still yearns for you all the time.

I wonder how our house would be different with you here. How our plans for the new house would have shifted to accommodate 4 kiddos instead of 3. I wonder how close you are and how often you’re nearby. I wonder if you’d be proud of me. I wonder what your personality is like.

The grief doesn’t overcome me as often as it used to, but on your birthday it’s a harsh reminder. But our family is forever. I’ll see you again. I’ll hold you and raise you. You’ll be with your crazy siblings, you’re amazing Dad and me one day. I know it.

In the mean time, we will keep missing you, remembering you and crying every once in a while because you are one loved little guy.

We didn’t ever get to hear you cry or get the chance to get to know you, but we didn’t need to, to love you. I love to the moon and back my boy.

Love,

Mom

August.1, 2023.

 Just sitting here at work and waiting to hear from our HVAC inspector if he is going to pass our house today. I'm so frustrated and angry it's taken this long. There is a whole long story with all of that, but it should happen today and we should get the CO for our house. Finally. We have been out of our Dove ave house since June.30 and today is August.1.

We rented out our house as of July.1 because we thought we would be in shortly after. I went to Canada for a week thinking it would surely be done when I got home. Then stayed at Ezra's for a week thinking it would surely be done that week. Went on our cruise for a week thinking it would surely be done when I got home. nope nope nope nope. 

So here we are. We stayed out at my office and have been sleeping on air mattresses in the movie theater room for a week now. I'm tired, discouraged and so ready to just move into our home. I'm gonna be next level ticked off if the inspector doesn't come today.

This summer has gone by way too fast. I feel like i've barely been able to enjoy the sunshine and everything.

June.22, 2023

Things are incredibly busy. I'm overwhelmed with preparing for the move as well as working on all the things that still need to be done at the house. But i wanted to priortize writing for just a few minutes.

We are all good. The kids went to my parents and to Teija's for a week. Thomas and I worked and worked and worked some mroe while they were gone. We finished all of the painting, which is a great feeling because we were getting SO worn out with it all. We are not working on flooring, which is it's own beast. 

The weather has been wuite chilly lately, but today is beautiful and warm.

We have to be out of our current house in 8 days. It seems impossible to get everything done. I am plannign to go to Canada for a bit so the house can be a bit more ready. Things are crazy but we are grateful for our health and able bodies to get a lot of things down. 

Thomas took the day off today to tackle a whole bunch of lawns. We've really fallen behind on that lately. The boys and Thomas have been doing all the lawns for Spring Creek Management (the company where I work). We are tackling a lot of things but know it will all work out and the Lord will provide.

June.7, 2023

 On Monday night we went out to the house to work on some more things. We cleared out the living room of sheet rock and trim and things, we swept and taped and put plastic around the windows so we can get the painting and priming done in there. We worked for a couple of hours and then I started puddying in our master closet room. Eventually, Thomas yelled for me to come out to the back patio.

I came out to see Layton running to the back field in his underwear and Kasen and Leah playing hide and go seek. All three kids then played hide and go seek in the alfalfa field and we had 20 minutes of just complete bliss.

THIS.

This is what we have dreamed of and worked sooo hard for. This moment of a beautiful night, the sun setting, the kids running around playing and getting along. This is what it is all about. To just sit there, soak in the sun, enjoy the perfect weather, and just have the deep deep connection to the important things, the simple things, and really finding the joy in the every day. It was perfect and I felt so so much peace and inner joy. It was sooo amazing to just sit in all of that and really be in the present and perfect moment.

Yesterday my back flared up pretty bad. but that's okay. Today i'm feeling much better and was able to do an upper body strength work out this morning. I can't even describe how much i love the warmer weather and the warmth just makes me so happy.

We are doing good. We are just busy bees, but life is good and we are so incredibly grateful for our life and our Heavenly Father and His plan for us.

May.18th

 It's been a beautiful and warm week. The trees and the grass is so green. The fields are growing. The mornings are chilly, but not freezing. The evenings are staying lighter longer and it's so life giving. 

The kids are all doing well. Layton had several English projects that he has worked on, completed and presented at school. He did all of these mini projects about the book "Wonder" and did a great job. He worked really hard on them and had some late nights. His dedication and work ethic is so so admirable, especially for a kid his age.

Kasen is doing so great. It's sooo amazing to every day see him really back to himself. This last fall was the worst few months for us. I don't think i've wrote about it much, but the pain and doctors and appointments was completely full of heartache and lots of stress and troubles. To see my little boy go from crying in his bed and yelling in pain all day to going to school, hanging with friends, and being a happy 12yo little boy is not something that I take lightly. I just love our kiddos.

Leah is staying up way too late. We just have so much going on that we never get the kids to bed earlier than 10:00 lately. I can't quite put my finger on why we keep doing thsi but really we are just occupied with so much going on I don't prioritize wrapping things up and winding things done till it's way too late. Also the nights are just getting longer and warmer and it doesn't quite feel like bed time.

The concrete for the back patio and the garage apron and the side walk were all poured at the new house. The well is supposed to be dug this week. The trim is coming along and almost done around the windows and frames. We went out last night and worked on putting puddy on all those trim areas. 

We will caulk and start painting this weekend, if not today. I'm really nervous about painting myself, but the garage will be my starting point and will be good practice for me. It's an absolutely insane time right now, but for some reason taking a few minutes to write seems like the right thing to do right now too. 

May.15, 2023. Leah's Birthday!

 Yesterday was my sweet girls birthday. Our Leah is now 8 years old! I literally cannot believe it. I don't know where the time goes or how it continues to go so quickly, but man we just loved celebrating our little girl. It's so weird to think that she is our baby and that our baby is 8. We are out of alll the little things. But luckily she still holds my hand in public. I still snuggle her to bed every single night. She still sits on my lap at church sometimes and will sit on my lap when she's sad.

She still needs her Mama, just like she hopefully always will.

Leah really is just the best. She is happiness. She is life. She is fun. She is joy. She is big questions and little details. She is creativity and adventure. 

Yesterday for her birthday we started it off with breakfast in bed. She requested pancakes with her name spelled out in pancake form as well as the number 8. She also requested a side of fruit and I brought it all in on a tray with a vase of flowers too. She loved in and felt extra special.

Kasen and I took cupcakes to her classroom. That was so fun. She was so excited. She loved having me there and loved sharing the cupcakes with her friends and classmates. Her classmates then asked her questions about herself like her favorite music and color and foods etc It was so fun to see her in her classroom.

After school Leah went and played over at our neighbors (the Barney's. Hannah, Connor, Ruth and Red). She absolutely loves Ruth. Ruth is 2 and Leah went over and played with them until I got home around 4:30. She loved being able to go over and play with her.

At 5:00 all of her friends started to show up. This year we had Charly Goms, Kaya Roberts, Lena Hammon, Grace Roberts, Gwen, Mason Stephenson, Lilly and Brigham Kellogg and Maycee Hodges.

We met at our house then went out to the Station. We did pizza, presents and cupcakes first and then the girls all got in the hot tub. They stayed in the hot tub most the time, then everyone got changed and dressed and we wrapped things up and headed home. Parents picked up kids at 8:30 and then we tried to go through all her gifts and clean up etc. It was a wonderful day celebrating our little girl!