Nov.10, 2024

Yesterday, was literally one of the most stressful days of my entire life. It was so so so hard. Like more stressful than building a house. More stressful than not having a place to live for a month. More stressful than moving 13 times. More stressful than college or tests or I don't know a lot of things.

Yesterday, I had to call Jace and let him know that I need to put in my notice. I am accepting another job. It was the hardest conversation I've ever had to do. He was of course nice, and kind and understanding. Which he always has been. I honestly don't have anything negative to say about working for Spring Creek. It's been such a blessing to me and our family. I've learned and grown so much. I have experienced so much patience, flexibility and generosity.  I truly have so much to be thankful for in my position there for 5 years.

It started off small. I worked just a few hours a week. We had maybe 100 units. We were small, we had a lot to figure out. I didn't really know anything and had lots of learning curves. We grew and grew. We took on a lot more properties. I evolved to take a ton of responsibility and I learned the ropes for everything. I started to really run the ins and outs and details and nuisances. I really hope that I made a positive difference and to be leaving on a good note.

My biggest fear in all of this, is I just really don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to leave anyone hanging. I don't want to be the source of stress or overwhelm for others. I hate that my leaving is going to cause such a huge hole and gap in Jace and Talia's company. I hate that I won't be able to help support Bryce like I have. I've developed such great relationships that  I hope last beyond a job change. I don't want my decision to make this change to ruin relationships. I know I can't have everything, but I hope I can keep the relationships and just leave on a positive note. I worry so so much that I'm ruining everything for Jace.

The biggest reason for this change is my desire to just try something new and different. Something that will challenge me, make me uncomfortable and make me get out of my norm. It does come with a pay increase which of course is going to be such a blessing, but I don't think of that as my main motivation. Although, I've loved my current job I just felt a bit bored. I know there are so much worse things to leave for, but is it wrong to leave a place even if nothing is wrong?

It feels a bit selfish honestly. :( I don't want to be selfish. But I have felt a lot of peace and excitement around the whole thing. It's been so so so hard though. Like I never thought it would be this hard. 

Nov.9

 It's a beautiful quiet chilly Sunday morning and i'm just sitting on my bed and wanting to update a bit about our life. This last week has felt heavy, long, intense, chaotic, but also good. We had the election on Tuesday and Trump won! It's so thrilling to see how many changes are already happening because of his re-election. I feel so much hope for the things that he is actually going to accomplish. Securing the borders, criminalizing trans surgeries for minors, changing the food industry and going after big pharma. I mean all of it, is sooo good and i'm so excited for the way it's going to actually help the American people. The every day blue collar hard working people. It's the first time I have felt hope in our government in a long time. 

Within 2 days of Trump being re-elected, 

- the stock market hit record high

-migrant caravan at our border dissolves

- Hamas calls for end to war

-Bitcoin hits record high

- Putin ready to end Ukraine war

- Qatar kicks out Hamas leaders

- EU will by US gas not Russian Gas

- Putin will sell oil in US dollars

- Zelensky calls Trump and Elon Musk

- NYC mayor ends vouchers for illegals

- Mexico to stop migrants at US border

- China wants to work peacefully with us.

- AG US company moved out of China. 

October. 21, 2024

 Today has been a really really good day. It started off bright and early at 4:30 am. Did my 5:30 am surge fit workout and got to start my day off strong. Got the kids off to school, me to work and honestly work was busy but not crazy, and honestly no psycho situations or phone calls, so that helps me breathe a little easier. Picked up Leah from school. Got some gas. Got a couple of papers notarized for work then headed to pick up Kasen. We had a nice little chit chat on the way home and then got home and basically had a snack and then went to my primary meeting. Primary meeting went really well. It was just over an hour. It felt organized and productive. There was structure and we finalized a lot of plans. 

Tonight was kind of amazing. Our entire family was home all night. We were all home by 5:30 pm. No one had any activities. We have been spending time together, I caught up on laundry and the house, we had our first fire of the year and enjoyed time together around the fire and just hanging out. I got to catch up on the pile of mail that has been building up and now I get to journal before getting lunches made and kids to bed.

I feel so so so incredibly grateful. Chandler (the main owner for a lot of our properties) got married (his first wife passed away). We got his new wife's house for rent and so they had some furniture that they wanted to sell or give away. I mentioned I would take some. He gave me two loft beds with dressers for free. 

Then today he reached out and asked if we knew of anyone that needed a king bed with frame. I told him I would for sure take it as I need a bed to furnish our dove ave basement. He told me not to worry about paying him anything. Such a  HUGE huge blessing. He truly is such a kind and great person. I'm so grateful.

October.20, 2024

The other day I shared an experience with my sisters and Teija told me several time that I need to write it down. Well, I really struggle writing things down. I often feel like it needs to be pen and paper. That it needs to be at a certain time, or that it needs to be with a specific intent. So i go in circles, and then continue to just not write anything. I also feel extremely burdened by record keeping, because it seems to take so much time. So until further notice, I am just going to type it out and i'll probably miss a lot of days. I will probably miss a ton of events and memories and things I wish I wouldn't forget, but here's to another "Trying".

This week i've felt like I have had so many tender mercies. I actually don't know if that is the right word. I think it's personal revelation is a better description. I have felt Heavenly Father really softening my heart in regards to some things that have felt all consuming to me lately. I don't like feeling contention and confusion in my heart. There have been some things that I have felt have made me hurt and mistrusted and misunderstood. I've been pleading to find a way to just move forward and even though i've been saying the words "i'm ready to move on and move forward" for weeks, i've been truly blessed to actually feel it now.

I have felt Heavenly Father show me and speak to me about how I am entering a season to be able to be more present with my family and with others. I feel like i'm entering a season with eyes to see those around me better. To see people's intents and try to see their heart. This week I have talked to soooo many people that are truly struggling with really really hard and big things. Things that I can't even imagine to have to be going through. I have been a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a voice of encouragement for a few. I hope that I can be more of what Heavenly Father wants me to be and help more people. 

I feel like I am entering a season to be able to give more abundantly. The last 6 months I have truly felt soooo incredibly busy. Our lives have been revolving doors. It's been months since we have all sat around the dinner table at the same time on a week day. It kind of sucks and is not how I want our life to live. Between Thomas and the boys doing lawns almost every day for the last six months, our church callings, Layton's cross country, volleyball, youth activities, both our full time jobs, helping friends and maintaining our household, the animals and yard and garden. We've just been running with our head cut off for too long. We love being busy. We love to work hard. But also life is happening so fast and our kids are just growing up so darn quickly. They are becoming absolutely amazing wonderful kids and I am so grateful for them. I know I will blink and they will be leaving the house and I wanted to create the memories and experience that will last forever.

I also want to incorporate more fun and more laughter. I can be so darn set in my ways of routine, structure, deep conversations and work that I don't laugh as much as I would like to. 

I want to get back to gathering people. Back to fun. Back to simplicity.

March 7 2024

 Yesterday I got a horrible migraine. Around 11 i just started getting that weird blurry vision and wasn't able to really even see my computer. I laid down on the couch here at work for a while, but then ended up just going home after a while. The migraine continued, but then really the rest of the day i just had the side affects. My headache was bad and I stayed in bed most the day on and off. I would feel better and start doing things, but then i'd get dizzy or lightheaded or a nauseous feeling. I'm feeling quite a bit better today, but also still a little off. I'm about to go to high fit, but I'm not sure if I should or not.

Leah did after school program yesterday and then Thomas took her out for a daddy daughter date and they went and got Chinese food. She was thrilled to go do that with her Daddy, and it was special for them to go. 

Thomas has been really holding down the fort and taking care of our family big time lately. I've just been feeling so off and tired etc. I actually ended up going to the doctor last week to get some blood work because of all the struggles i've been having lately, but everything came back normal. Normal chemistry, thyroid markers were normal, Kidney and liver function normal, inflammatory markers normal, everyting was normal. Which is good news, but also, I don't feel normal. haha.

Kasen went to PE yesterday. He's been begging me to get him out of it, but I haven't and I don't think I will. It's really hard to make him do something that he says he hates so much, but I also can't keep bailing him out of things all the time just to make life more comfortable and easy.

Layton went to the gym with Thomas last night. I'm so glad they got to go together and i'm so happy they went and had a good time. 

I'm just back at work this morning and caught up with everything. Work is actually pretty dang slow lately which is fine, but also a bit boring. I feel like i catch up with everything in like 20 minutes and then just tackle menial dumb things the rest of the day. But it's all good. It's nice to have things running fairly smoothly. 

March.5, 2024

 I've been so up in my head how journaling should look, but quite honestly i'm over it and if i'm not showing up with pen and paper then typing it out is just gonna have to suffice! 

Things are good. 

Thomas: has started going to the gym this year and is loving it and it's so good for him to go! He is a super hero. he continues to be the rock in our family and we all love him for it. He's getting ready to start an FBA (fulfilled by amazon) course this week and he's excited about that. I think it will be a great avenue for him to be able to start selling his products etc. He is awesome.

Kasen: He has been sick the last couple days. It is the new trimester (last one of this year!) crazyyyy, and he's missed the first two days. He's fighting a sore throat and headaches etc. Just a sinus cold that hopefully will go away soon. He's getting so tall. He is almost as tall as me and it's just crazy. He is so fun and hilarious and really developing into such a kind awesome kid. He has tons of friends and I think Heavenly Father every day for his health and strength.

Layton: He is still the most deteremined, hard working and awesome kiddo he has always been. He is doing well in school with all of his advanced classes. He has been going to jumpstart two hours a week on Mondays and then goes and plays basketball at Jorja's gym several times during the week. He loves basketball sooo much and so I try and give him every opportunity to get in the gym. We just had a Track and Field meeting last night and track starts next week, which hilarious because it's freaking freezing cold and snowy outside.

Leah: She is as awesome as ever too. She is constantly the light of our day and the cutest things. She loves all things art, and music and dancing, and creativity. She loves to just listen to music in her room for hours on end and she creates, or draws or whatever. This means her room is constantly a huge disaster lol. She is doing basketball and piano right now and that keeps her busy. She is always wanting to have friends over too. She hates being woke up in the mornings and it's quite the ordeal to actually get her out of bed, but we are working on it. Leah is tons of fun.

We got our dog Cooper about a month ago. The kids ADORE him and just love him so much. He's a pretty cute dog and I love him too. Never thought I'd say that about a dog. lol.

Sept.12, 2023

 Things are going well. We've had a really great last few days. On Saturday Thomas and the boys went and did lawns. Leah and I just kind of cleaned and caught up on the house stuff for the morning, I also worked on the garage too. Then Dad, Mom and Ezra came over (they were at ezra's for the weekend).

It was so so nice because they came and helped put the bed together in the apartment, we also put the bonus room couch together. We also brought up the TV stand and some other things for the apartment and just got it all settled in and put together for Brooklyn and Cooper. 

On Sunday we went to Adam and Mari's for lunch to celebrate Adam's 40th birthday. It was actually pretty good. We had a nice lunch and just visited. Kasen didn't come because he hasn't been feeling good at all. I think I got him sick, because I was sick last week. We got homer around 5:30 and that night maybe around 6:30 or 7 Mom and Dad came to our house. We just kind of visited and hung out. Cleaned up some stuff, got them settled in etc.

Brooklyn and Cooper got in late Sunday night so we didn't see them, but Brooklyn came in for Breakfast and we got to see her then. So fun! 

After work and school and all the things everyone gathered back home. It was so so nice though because Mom was seriously so helpful and amazing yesterday. She dropped me off at work and then headed to Idaho Falls because she needed to do some returns. While she was there she got us some milk and other groceries. She also picked up Layton's contacts because he split another pair of the samples. She also went to Sherwin Williams and got some paint booklets and samples for us to look at for our front door.  She made White Chili Chicken for dinner, rolls and cinnamon rolls. It was like having a personal assistant all day and it was kind of amazing.

We did dinner and then Brooklyn and Cooper opened all of their gifts. It was fun to be there to watch them open all the gifts that have been sitting in our office for like a month. They got lots of great stuff! Then we let them be to work on trying to organize their apartment with all the things. 

The weather has been absolutely perfect and beautiful. I can't even get over it! I love September so much. The boys turn 13 in like 12 days and i can't even handle it! Where does the time go?

Sept.6, 2023

 Yesterday was a great day. It went by pretty fast. In the afternoon I started not feeling so well which continued all night and through the night i was achey and chills and all the things through the night, so I slept pretty awful but luckily this morning I was feeling much better. I'm still not 100% but I came in to work an all the things. 

All the kids seem to be doing pretty well at school. Layton is excelling in cross country and working really hard to do his best. I've been busy as always and just trying to make our life great and awesome. Of course being sick makes that harder, but that's okay. ha. I'm definitely grateful that my sciatic problems have calmed down! Last week was pretty awful, but i'm doing much better with that today. 

We finally got our Roku remote in the mail, so we can watch a TV show if we want for the first time in 3 months hahaha! Honestly, it does sound wonderful to just wind down with a show at night. 

The weather has been absolutely amazing. I'm loving September. I just want it to last forever. Kasen had a contact fall out this morning at school and he lost it so I had to go take him his glasses. Leah and I went to the dollar store last night and she wanted fake nails. I hate fake nails, but I also don't care if she like them. 

Thomas is doing good. He's always the glue for our family and I'm proud of him and all he does. He has applied for a security job at INL, and i'm really hoping and praying he gets it. That would be so wonderful and an amazing pay increase etc.Him and the boys are still mowing lawns which is a great financial benefit, but man it keeps us busy. We need to get so many things done for the apartment before Brooklyn and Cooper move in this weekend.

Anyway, life is good. I'm grateful for the gospel in our life. 

September.4, 2023

 Today is labor day and it's been a busy one, but the real reason I wanted to come and write today was to remember the weekend we had. On Friday we headed to Boise for Brooklyn and Cooper's wedding. It was just such a great weekend. We left at about 8:30 after Layton finished his morning cross country practice. We headed to Boise, and got there just in time for the sealing. It was so awesome to be in the sealing room and see so many friends and family and familiar faces. Their is definitely a special spirit in the temple and specifically in the sealing rooms. 

Brooklyn looked absolutely perfect and we had a great time taking pictures and sharing memories together with everyone. I was able to meet Cooper's family and they are great people. 

After the wedding and pictures and everything they had a catered lunch. They served Costa Vida and I just thought it was an awesome idea to make it so simple. It was so tastey and everyone loved it and it made it way simple. Everyone just visited and it was great.

After that we headed to Teija's. We all just hung out and that night we did smores. It was great to catch up with all the Hutchins girls. They are so wonderful and fun and just a light. I know each of them have been through some pretty tough trials in their lives, but they are strong and positive and just really really great people. 

We stayed at a neighbors house that no longer lives there. Tyanna, Janae and I and our families all stayed in this house. The boys all slept in the tent trailer, the girls stayed in Teija's basement, and then we all had rooms.

Saturday morning we headed over for breakfast which was pancakes! Teija is such a wonderful host and everyone just had the best time. She was such a gracious, thoughtful and awesome host. The day was spent just visiting and chatting and hanging out. In the afternoon we started setting up for the reception. The reception again, was just so well thought out, simple but beeautiful.

They had the reception in the back yard. They had string lights, white table cloths and I actually kind of headed up the flower arrangement for the center pieces. It wasn't something I thought of myself doing, but Emree and I were tasked with cutting the flowers from the garden and then we just started arranging haha! 

The centerpieces were beautiful and I absolutely loved that the flowers were all from Teija's garden. We had zenia's and sunflowers and then the real floral girl showed up with baby's breath and dalia's and all in all it was great. 

They had a cake table with a white background and then a big sign with "The Wilson's, 9.1.2023" which is where Brooke and Cooper stood. They had finger foods, that were mostly bread and spinach dip and then bean dip, cheese dip, and cowboy salsa and chips. It was yummy. They also had pumpkin bars.

All in all it was a wonderful and just such a positive and refreshing weekend. Late that night we loaded up Dad's truck with all their presents and Mom and Dad brought them to Rigby for Brooklyn. Mom and Dad were coming this way anyway because Dad is working in the area and Mom is watching Ezra's kids this weekend. 

Today is labor day and it's been busy. We went to Idaho Falls today. We went to Walmart, TJ Maxx, Home Depot, Sams Club and Winco. Just got a bunch of stuff to finish installing things like hardware in the house and finish some things in the apartment. We left around 10 and didn't get home till close to 3. Everything just takes longer than you think it will. Seriously, it's kinda frustrating.  When we got home. Mom came with all the Gwilliam kids. They all just hung out. Mom helped with some cleaning and emptying some stuff in the apartment. She is always so helpful when she visits and we sure appreciate her.

August.10, 2023

 As I come to type this today all I can think about is how incredibly grateful I feel for my life. I am so grateful for our beautiful home. We are finally all moved in. It feels super crazy that we are actually in our new house. Time is such a weird thing. We moved in on August.1 and so it has been ten days, but it feels like we literally just moved in yesterday. The days come and go and we are as busy as ever. But i am finding so much peace in our journey at this time. 

Things I love about the house so far are almost not even countable. I am loving our big bathroom. There is just so much more space. Our big shower is so refreshing and I love it. I love the tile I picked. I love our big bedroom. Our big windows bring in so much sunlight and I absolutely love that. I wake up in the mornings refreshed and ready to start the day. I just feel so much hope and promise. Life is not perfect. Finances are extremely tight and we spend way more on our mortgage then I thought we would . We really just need the dust to settle. We will be just fine, but just having to spend so much money left and right lately has really made it quite stressful.

I love our living room. I got some couches from Big Lots and i just truly love them. They are exactly what I pictured in our living room. I love our huge kitchen. All of the big windows and the light and the sunshine. I love the views. I love our living room rug. I love my oven. I love to cook on the gas stove top. I've really liked the lay out of the house and our new washer and dryer work so well. I love the new sounds. I love all the storage and locker space. I love the smells and the soft white colors and white oak I picked.

I will say if there is one thing i'm not loving, it's our white counter tops...... Man they show everything. Way worse than I thought they would. They look black scuffed in so many areas already. I need to figure out how to clean them. 

I'm excited to continue to make our house feel like our home. To create and make so many memories in the years to come. I'm grateful for Thomas and all of his hard work and efforts. He truly is such an amazing husband and Dad. I don't know what I would do without him.

Now that we are finally getting settled, I've been trying to make the mots of what summer we have left. We have been so insanely busy for so long (working at the house till dark every single day for the last 3 months) that we haven't done a lot of our normal Idaho summer activities. The kids are each getting a night to do a "late night" and have friends over. In fact as I sit and type this, Layton has his friends over and we are at The Station. They are watching a movie in the movie theater room and i'm catching up on some things.

I've been really focusing on my morning routine and creating good habits. I need to refocus on routine and habits and get my Optavia business back.

August.7, 2023

Hey bud,

It’s been ten years without you. It’s been a hard day as I’m reminded of the “what if’s”, the “what could have been’s” and remember all the hopes and dreams we had for you.

You were so perfect. There was no reason you were gone so soon. I still don’t know if that makes it harder or easier to know there was no reason you were born still.

I still think if you every single day. I don’t cry as often as I used to, but my mama heart still yearns for you all the time.

I wonder how our house would be different with you here. How our plans for the new house would have shifted to accommodate 4 kiddos instead of 3. I wonder how close you are and how often you’re nearby. I wonder if you’d be proud of me. I wonder what your personality is like.

The grief doesn’t overcome me as often as it used to, but on your birthday it’s a harsh reminder. But our family is forever. I’ll see you again. I’ll hold you and raise you. You’ll be with your crazy siblings, you’re amazing Dad and me one day. I know it.

In the mean time, we will keep missing you, remembering you and crying every once in a while because you are one loved little guy.

We didn’t ever get to hear you cry or get the chance to get to know you, but we didn’t need to, to love you. I love to the moon and back my boy.

Love,

Mom

August.1, 2023.

 Just sitting here at work and waiting to hear from our HVAC inspector if he is going to pass our house today. I'm so frustrated and angry it's taken this long. There is a whole long story with all of that, but it should happen today and we should get the CO for our house. Finally. We have been out of our Dove ave house since June.30 and today is August.1.

We rented out our house as of July.1 because we thought we would be in shortly after. I went to Canada for a week thinking it would surely be done when I got home. Then stayed at Ezra's for a week thinking it would surely be done that week. Went on our cruise for a week thinking it would surely be done when I got home. nope nope nope nope. 

So here we are. We stayed out at my office and have been sleeping on air mattresses in the movie theater room for a week now. I'm tired, discouraged and so ready to just move into our home. I'm gonna be next level ticked off if the inspector doesn't come today.

This summer has gone by way too fast. I feel like i've barely been able to enjoy the sunshine and everything.