April.1,2025

 I hate days like today, when I feel grumpy, depressed, annoyed, mom guilt, boring, unmotivated, and just all around NOT LIKE MYSELF. I know we all have these days so i'm trying not to feel things too deeply, but man that self talk can just be sooo negative some days. Then i feel guilty for not being happier, cause literally basically nothing is even wrong. Couple minor annoything things and that's it. 

My kids and family are happy and healthy. We have a home. We live in a free country. Have running water and allll the modern conveniences. blah blah blah. So then I feel guilty that I feel down. 

oh well. It's currently 6:12 pm. Layton is in St. George with McKray Drake and his family. He went with them for Spring Break and I think they are having a blast.

Thomas took Kasen and Leah to the dump with him. We cleaned out the garage over the weekend and had a truck load to take. So i'm just at home and currently on hold with Quickbooks to ask them a question about quickbooks stuff. So figured I write a little bit, while i'm sitting here on hold. I'm trying to get a bunch of hours in early this week so that I can take Friday off and maybe take the kids to do something fun.

Honestly, probably not a good thing i'm on hold with Quickbooks, I have no patience right now. I'll probably end up being rude.ha.

Thomas is awesome. He's so understanding when I get this way. So grateful for him and all he does. 

The weather is freaking cold. like 32 degrees and i'm just so over it. :( Next week is supposed to get nice, so let's just hold out hope for that. The rest of the week is not great.

I dunno. Life is good. We just keep on keeping on. 

March.7, 2025

 We made it to DC last night! We got here around 9 pm, but it was also was also a wild time zone changing day where we woke up in MST, had a layover in PST, ended the day in EST and it was also daylight savings.  ha.

We got an uber from the airport to our cute little airbnb. It's a basement airbnb. The ceilings are only like 7

We got up around 7. Showered, got ready and headed out for the day.

We hit up the American Indian Museum, the Natural History Museum and the American History museum. They were all really cool, but the latter 2 were by far much better. We loved it. Unfortunately, I have two big blisters on the bottom of my foot. Such a stupid mistake to bring new shoes on this trip :( suck. So i'm limping around and got some padding things to go around it.

After all the museums we got the scooters and were able to go to the Washington Monument, the Lincoln memorial, the reflecting pools and the white house. This was my absolute favorite part of the day. It was an absolutely perfect weather day. 64 degrees and sunny. It was so so nice. I'm so grateful for the nice sunny weather today. 

My feet hurt pretty bad. Just the blisters and hot spots. I hope I can get around okay tomorrow!

The kids had their first day of the new trimester. It sounds like it went pretty good. The boys both went to track today. Layton absolutely loved it and killed it, and kasen said his was pretty lame and boring. The barely threw the discus and he had to do some running which he did not like. Seems like their classes are good though and they are gonna be amazing for their very last semester of Middle School. SOOOO wild!! I officially feel old having kids going to high school! 

I miss the kids, but it's fun to be away and do something different. I'm happy to be here and to be able to help Emily in a couple of days. 

March.5

 Today was a busy and good day. Woke up at 5. Went to the gym. Did 2.5 miles on the eliptical then did shoulders. It felt really good and i'm glad I went. 

Came home got kids ready for school, me ready for work etc. Dropped kids off, went to work. It was a good day at work. Ran into some problems, but was able to mostly fix them all and get things worked out. 

Picked up leah, came home, picked up boys, took Kasen to the doctor for his sports physical, came home, went pee, took Leah to Volleyball, walked 2 miles outside during her practice. Watched her practice. Came home, made my self a protein waffle, did Come Follow Me. Now just winding down for the night. Looking up my flights, downloading the apps etc. It's wild to think we are leaving in like 4 days. I'm excited and yet haven't even thought about it much at the same time. 

Work is going well. I hope i'm doing all that is expected of me. I hope that i'm doing a good job. I hope that I am being helpful and everything. It's hard to know if I am as much if not more than what they were hoping when they hired me. Ya know?

March.3, 2025

We are all doing well! Things just keep on keeping on and the time seems to continuously slip through my fingers. What a funny thing to think about isn't it? Time is time, but yet it can seem to go so quickly and so slow at different times.

Last Thursday and Friday night I went and helped Emily Farmer. She needed help packing because the left for Maryland on Saturday. I helped her pack Thursday and Friday. On Friday I went and washed her hair. It was really humbling. She truly can't do anything on her own and her pain has been so so bad. Her Mom feel and tripped in the garage on Thursday and messed up her arm really bad. She was supposed to go to the orthopedic surgeon today. Because of her injury she can't go to Maryland anymore to help Emily. So I am going from the 12-15.

However, I started thinking.... if i'm going clear across the country and going to be super close to DC, I want to go and explore. I wanted to go a couple of days early and see DC. I invited Teija to go with me, but she couldn't. I was gonna ask Mom, but then Thomas said "well maybe I should come". So then our wheels started turning and now Thomas and I are both going a few days early. We are going to fly out on Sunday, then he is going to fly home Wednesday. Then I will stay with Emily till Saturday and fly home with Jake and Emily on Saturday. We will get home late Saturday night. I got the airbnb reserved and we are staying in a super cute 1 bedroom apartment on Capitol Hill! It's only one block from the National Mall! I got the flights booked too and I think we have a pretty good plan for what we want to do while we are there and things. 

It's so last minute, but exciting that we are going to go on an epic trip. I'm excited to get away with Thomas too! Love it.

Leah started Volleyball today, and honestly tonight she had a huge meltdown. Not about volleyball, but she is feeling very overwhelmed and busy and she doesn't like being so busy, when it all came down to it too she was just tired and overwhelmed and really worked up. She kept talking about how she has anxiety too. And i dunno. She is a bit anxious, but I also feel that "having anxiety" is such a hype word right now. Everyone has some anxiety. She's also really not liking piano. She loves her teacher Karna, but she is just not liking piano. I want her to keep doing it though. She's doing well and it's good for her, but I dunno. We might need to talk another break for a bit. 

Both boys are starting track next week! Kasen decided he wants to try discus and shot put!!! It's so fun that he is going to try it. I am so proud of him. He has been working out every day and he is getting so dang strong. It's so fun to watch him grow and be strong and confident in himself. I don't know how he will place or what not, but I think he is going to do great.

Layton of course is absolutely beyond excited for track to start. He has been working so crazy hard. He has been SO disciplined and training and running every single day for months on end. He is amazing and has been counting down the days since like 140 days ago. I am so excited to watch him this season!! I think he is going to totally kill it!!

Jan.3 2025

 I think writing the title for this blog post was the first time it really clicked that it is 2025. It's the first time that I have written it down. I feel like I haven't really focused or taken the time to think about the New Year. I feel like I have a whole bunch of thoughts that I don't want to address lol. 

New year. New goals right? But I don't know what my goals "should" be. I don't know how to make goals, know what they should be, how to approach them etc. 

Make more money. get skinnier. Work out every day. Read scriptures. Serve. been the same thing for 35 years. I feel mixed up with my constant need to achieve goals, work hard, accomplish things, grow and learn and then my also fear of failure, by tired feeling of pursuit, the repetitive feeling of goals, the "once again" feeling of the New Year.  The back and forth of peace and pursuit. The redundancy of the repetition. The I should do better vs the I'm doing great and want to just continue with my good habits and the good things I am already doing. 

So yup there we have it, a minute inside my brain and the "every direction" at once it's constantly going at. 

Christmas was great. Thomas Dad came for a few days, and then Janae came on Monday the 30th. We did New Years Eve with the Arnolds and Janae. It was fun. We played lots of games, did some sledding, ate some good food and just all around had a good time. 

Work at my new job has been pretty good, but also interesting and challenging. I hope that I can learn the ropes a bit more and feel more confident with everything. I look forward to all that this new year brings with all the ups and downs and challenges and growth. 

I do know one thing. My word of the year is "Christ". In years past and I'm sure in years in the future I will have different words, but every year I feel really strongly what my word of the year is supposed to be. Sometimes it takes a while before it becomes clear, but once I finally  reach it and find the word, it usually hits me with a lot of clarity. So my word of the year is "Christ" and I am excited so see what that all means for me and how it will unfold. My biggest desire right now is to learn and grow closer to Christ by study and prayer.

December.28, 2024

 We have had a wonderful Christmas season! We have thoroughly enjoyed all of our time together as a family. Thomas and I both worked on Monday the 23rd. Then we ended up replacing the washer in our basement at the old house. It was a busy evening. The boys went to McKrays for a little get together and white elephant gift exchange party. Then we got them picked up, I went to Broulim's and then we did our traditional movie night in the living room. We loved it. We watched The Grinch. We started it pretty late, so we were all kind tired, but it was really good and we really enjoyed it. Leah made brownies and then brought them to us in the living room with new bowls that she bought for all of us from the dollar store. It was a wonderful night.

Christmas Eve morning we went to Rexburg and went sledding with the Gwilliam's. That was a lot of fun. Then we just spent the rest of the day hanging out, watching movies, cleaning up the house, playing games and having leftovers for dinner since we forgot to take the ham out of the freezer lol.

Christmas day was just great. I for some reason kept worrying about having enough for the kids, it being unfair, kids not being happy with their gifts etc, but it all worked out and everyone loved their gifts. It's been such a wonderful day. Kasen got new winter boots, an airsoft gun, some Special K cereal, lil bites, a new computer and a new sweats and sweater set. Some socks and candy. Layton got a scripture case, a lunch box, a sleep mask, new running shoes, some ear plugs, a running book, socks and some new joggers. Leah got clothes, markers, a volleyball necklace, a tumbler, gum, candy, socks, some new snow boots and a coloring book. I got Thomas a bike from FB market place, and a bunch of Costco clothes. I got a Roomba and a new pot and pan set which i'm loving it. 

On the 26th we went to Saint Anthony and Trisha reserved their church for them. We met at 4, had dinner and played some games and played some bump. We exchanged our gifts and it was all in all a good evening together which was nice. 

On the 27th we had Adam and Mari, Trisha and Jason and Chad and Christine all came for dinner. Thomas and I both had to work this day, but the boys got dinner in the crock pot and we ended up having a nice dinner and a good visit.

Today the 28th we had a good breakfast, then Chad and Christine headed to Montana to visit Christine's son Zack. They left and then we all just did our own thing for an hour or so. Then we went sledding over at Beaver Dick Park with the Gwilliams and Janae and her kids are in town. We pulled the sleds behind the trucks and it was alot of fun. We spent a couple hours doing that and then we went to their house and had tacos. Then Cal threw up and so we left shortly after.

Dec.2, 2024

 Today was my first day at my new job working for Silver Creek Construction/ Melissa Bernard. It was a pretty good first day. My office is supe cute and Melissa did a great job making me feel welcomed and appreciated by getting my a new desk, mac computer, chair, rug etc. 

The day started out really good. It was good to get a good run down of the companies and things and we got a really solid to do list going. I started with doing some data entry. I guess I should say I started and ended the day with data entry. Melissa's mom is passing away and not doing well, so Melissa needed to leave to help get home health care and hospice and VA benefits and things lined up for her Mom, which obviously was an important thing to do. 

I have a lot of questions ending the day and some things I definitely need to learn better and I hope I can get just a little bit more information so I can streamline and make things better tomorrow.  

I am grateful to start on this new adventure.

Leah was not feeling well last night, so she ended up staying home from school today. 

Thomas has been home all day with his horrible back pain. He has Physical therapy tomorrow and I hope that will be helpful for him. 

Layton came to the Station with me this morning and he ran while I worked out, but about 2.5 miles in he started not feeling well. He took some ibuprofen when he get home and said he would be fine. but then ended up calling me around 12 to go pick him up .He wasn't feeling good. Got him home. He napped and took some ibuprofen and honestly woke up feeling much better. So all 3 kids should be good to go to school tomorrow.

 

Nov.27, 2024

 Today is my last day of being in the office for work for Spring Creek and also my 15 year Anniversary. Happy day! I cannot believe that it has been 15 years. I'm the luckiest girl to be married to my sweet heart. He's the best decision i've ever made. We've had our struggles and growing pains, but it just keeps getting and better with time. 15 years loving Thomas has been one of the biggest blessings of my life. He keeps me grounded, but also lets me fly. He supports me in everything. He's kind and hard working and keeps us all laughing.

We are going to go out for dinner tonight. Not sure where. But I think that is the best gift that I can get is to not have to cook. 

Thomas' back has been so bad for the last few weeks and it seems to be getting worse. He can't hardly stand up of get out of bed without it taking 5 minutes and it involved rolling or getting on all 4's just to try and stand up. Poor guy. We scheduled a physical therapy appt for him for next week. I hope we can figure out how to help him.

Nov.23, 2024

 Today was a great day. Leah slept in my bed with me because Thomas' back has been messed up and hurting so he slept on a different mattress on the floor. I woke up at 6:30 and planned to go to the gym right then, but then I couldn't find my keys, and I didn't want to wake Thomas to try and look for them etc, so I decided to go ahead and watch some Quickbooks training videos for my new job that starts in about a week.

I did an hour or so of quickbooks and then I came in and snuggled Thomas, and Leah woke up and it was just so nice to have a slow quiet morning and hang out together. I went to the gym around 9 I think, and had a really great work out. I did legs and then 15 minutes on the stair climber. I was sweating buckets. It was hard and awesome. 

Then we just kind of got ready, hung out, cleaned up the house and then Thomas and I got ready and went to Idaho Falls. We did some shopping for a couple of hours. We hit up Costco, Winco and Sams club. We did some Christmas and grocery shopping and then we went to the temple and did the 3:00 session. It was good. 

Then we got home and Thomas has just been outside changing the oil in both my Buick and his truck. He is so awesome to do that to save us some money etc. We had a really nice day. I picked up Leah and Maycee at 6:30. and then a bunch of the boys friends came over too (William, Clark, and Owen Debry, Zack Hodges, Quinton Wrathall and Branson Denning). They are all here now and having fun. So honestly i'm just hiding out in my room and decided to read my scriptures and do some journaling. I'm greateful for nice, slower, non stressful days like today. It just goes such a long way for my mental health to have some slower days. 

I love love love that all my kids have friends over. I am literally living some of the things that I prayed for. I always wanted my house to be a place of gathering and a place where my kids and their friends feel welcome. 

Not going to lie though, a bunch of boys were here last night as well, and i'm just tired tonight ha! I really just want to fall asleep to a movie right now. It's all good though. Maybe I will turn a movie on in a bit.

I was grateful to go to the temple today and to feel the love and the spirit that is always in the Temple. I'm grateful that we made it a priority to go. 

Nov.22 2024

 Sometimes I just sit and look at my life and it's so beautiful and wonderful and I feel so grateful. It's been a busy week, but good. It's kind of a weird feeling knowing I only have 1 more week left (really less because next week is Thanksgiving) of my current job. It's wild to think that i have been doing this job for 5 years! It's all gone so slowly and so quickly at once. Like I can hardly remember life before this job. 

I am feeling more and more and more excited about my new job though. I'm excited for the change, the challenge and the new people. I'm excited to learn. I'm excited to be around different people. I'm excited to be around ladies that are more successful than me. 

It's so crazy honestly, that I am going to be working with/for Dakri and her mom. This may sound weird, but I honestly feel like I have been manifesting this for years and years. I don't know why but literally from probably 8 years I have thought about wanting to work for them. Dakri was our agent 9 years ago when we bought our first house and I have always thought that she was super cool and down to earth and easy to talk to. I have literally often over the years thought about reaching out to her and just seeing if there would ever be an opportunity for me to be able to work with her or around her. I've always thought she was a go getter and successful and not afraid to go after her dreams. I have honestly manifested and prayed for what is now at my door step. I don't think that there is any coincidence in our meeting, our separate experiences etc. What else is interesting is that when I had first called the real estate company that Dakri worked for someone else answered. He was a dude and I dunno. I wasn't overly impressed and he wasn't very helpful. Then when I called back, Dakri answered and she was so helpful and smart and awesome. I knew right then that I wanted her to be my agent and that was 9 years ago. 

It is another reminder to me about how mindful and aware Heavenly Father is of my situation. He knows the absolute intricate details of our lives. Every single interaction. Every single reminder. Every single desire and thought and belief that someday somehow maybe this could happen for me and He made it all happen. It truly feels so personal. I love being able to see my loving God's attention and plan as it unfolds unexpectantly and expectantly all in one. 

Nov.21

 Just wanted to share a little experience. We got a new vehicle in June. So our van has been sitting on the side of our house for over 5 months now. We kept meaning to post it this whole time, and I kept pushing for it but it never happened. Finally a couple of weeks ago I got it all cleaned out, and vacuumed and emptied because i really really wanted to get it listed, because I didn't want it sitting there all winter long.

Well I got it all ready and even took the pictures and everything and had it ready to list. Once again it didn't happen. Then Brooklyn texted me and asked if we wanted to still sell our van and said that Creed (her cousin on the Hutchins side) wanted to buy it. I was shocked.

Then just a couple of days ago Creed came over, drove it around, and bought it with cash for $1,000. Yeah we could have maybe gotten more out of it, but honestly I love that we were able to help him out and he helped us out and I hope it works for him! He had another car but it had a TON of problems with it, so he sold it. Honestly, I  think he sold it for more than what he bought the van for, but hey the van runs and works. It's not the prettiest thing in the world, but i'm so glad it worked out.

I can't help but feel that Heavenly Father KNEW that Creed would need a vehicle on Nov.18. He knew i would be anxious to get rid of it. He KNEW the extra cash would be helpful to us for Christmas and he made it all happen. It reminded me that He is in control and so very aware of all the little workings of our days and lives. It all came together and He knew it would, even though I didn't. I felt the frustration the human-ness of the situation, but He knew it perfectly and I am so grateful that He is in control.  

Nov.10, 2024

Yesterday, was literally one of the most stressful days of my entire life. It was so so so hard. Like more stressful than building a house. More stressful than not having a place to live for a month. More stressful than moving 13 times. More stressful than college or tests or I don't know a lot of things.

Yesterday, I had to call Jace and let him know that I need to put in my notice. I am accepting another job. It was the hardest conversation I've ever had to do. He was of course nice, and kind and understanding. Which he always has been. I honestly don't have anything negative to say about working for Spring Creek. It's been such a blessing to me and our family. I've learned and grown so much. I have experienced so much patience, flexibility and generosity.  I truly have so much to be thankful for in my position there for 5 years.

It started off small. I worked just a few hours a week. We had maybe 100 units. We were small, we had a lot to figure out. I didn't really know anything and had lots of learning curves. We grew and grew. We took on a lot more properties. I evolved to take a ton of responsibility and I learned the ropes for everything. I started to really run the ins and outs and details and nuisances. I really hope that I made a positive difference and to be leaving on a good note.

My biggest fear in all of this, is I just really don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to leave anyone hanging. I don't want to be the source of stress or overwhelm for others. I hate that my leaving is going to cause such a huge hole and gap in Jace and Talia's company. I hate that I won't be able to help support Bryce like I have. I've developed such great relationships that  I hope last beyond a job change. I don't want my decision to make this change to ruin relationships. I know I can't have everything, but I hope I can keep the relationships and just leave on a positive note. I worry so so much that I'm ruining everything for Jace.

The biggest reason for this change is my desire to just try something new and different. Something that will challenge me, make me uncomfortable and make me get out of my norm. It does come with a pay increase which of course is going to be such a blessing, but I don't think of that as my main motivation. Although, I've loved my current job I just felt a bit bored. I know there are so much worse things to leave for, but is it wrong to leave a place even if nothing is wrong?

It feels a bit selfish honestly. :( I don't want to be selfish. But I have felt a lot of peace and excitement around the whole thing. It's been so so so hard though. Like I never thought it would be this hard.