October.20, 2024

The other day I shared an experience with my sisters and Teija told me several time that I need to write it down. Well, I really struggle writing things down. I often feel like it needs to be pen and paper. That it needs to be at a certain time, or that it needs to be with a specific intent. So i go in circles, and then continue to just not write anything. I also feel extremely burdened by record keeping, because it seems to take so much time. So until further notice, I am just going to type it out and i'll probably miss a lot of days. I will probably miss a ton of events and memories and things I wish I wouldn't forget, but here's to another "Trying".

This week i've felt like I have had so many tender mercies. I actually don't know if that is the right word. I think it's personal revelation is a better description. I have felt Heavenly Father really softening my heart in regards to some things that have felt all consuming to me lately. I don't like feeling contention and confusion in my heart. There have been some things that I have felt have made me hurt and mistrusted and misunderstood. I've been pleading to find a way to just move forward and even though i've been saying the words "i'm ready to move on and move forward" for weeks, i've been truly blessed to actually feel it now.

I have felt Heavenly Father show me and speak to me about how I am entering a season to be able to be more present with my family and with others. I feel like i'm entering a season with eyes to see those around me better. To see people's intents and try to see their heart. This week I have talked to soooo many people that are truly struggling with really really hard and big things. Things that I can't even imagine to have to be going through. I have been a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a voice of encouragement for a few. I hope that I can be more of what Heavenly Father wants me to be and help more people. 

I feel like I am entering a season to be able to give more abundantly. The last 6 months I have truly felt soooo incredibly busy. Our lives have been revolving doors. It's been months since we have all sat around the dinner table at the same time on a week day. It kind of sucks and is not how I want our life to live. Between Thomas and the boys doing lawns almost every day for the last six months, our church callings, Layton's cross country, volleyball, youth activities, both our full time jobs, helping friends and maintaining our household, the animals and yard and garden. We've just been running with our head cut off for too long. We love being busy. We love to work hard. But also life is happening so fast and our kids are just growing up so darn quickly. They are becoming absolutely amazing wonderful kids and I am so grateful for them. I know I will blink and they will be leaving the house and I wanted to create the memories and experience that will last forever.

I also want to incorporate more fun and more laughter. I can be so darn set in my ways of routine, structure, deep conversations and work that I don't laugh as much as I would like to. 

I want to get back to gathering people. Back to fun. Back to simplicity.