Thursday, August 15, 2013

If You See Me

I've noticed that lots of people don't know how to act or be around people like me. You know, people who are going through the loss of a loved one. I understand where you are coming from. I never knew how to be either, what to say, or what to

If you see me.

Talk with me, cry with me
Ask me about my baby, and his story
Tell me how precious he was, how needed he was, how perfect he was
Tell me i'm strong, tell me he is grateful for me
Hug me
tell me you love me and that your heart is also aching for me
remind me of my heavenly father and his love for me
just come by to visit me

don't stare at me
if you do stare, don't turn away and act like you weren't staring, acknowledge your staring and give me a smile or mouth an 'I love you'
don't try to avoid talking about my baby
it's ok to talk about your life, what's going on with you, in fact it's refreshing
don't avoid me
don't act like nothing happened

I love you all.


Unknown said...

Oh Kayla! You are so sosososo strong I've been thinking about you alot almost everyday and your loss of your sweet sweet boy! PLEASE let me know if you need ANYTHING!

laurel said...

Sweet, sweet Kayla. I just adore you. You are learning and internalizing some of life's most precious and hard-earned "lessons" right now...instead of becoming bitter, you are becoming better. Stronger. You are learning very intensely what it feels like to be the one experiencing the loss- never again will you be able to stand by and watch someone go through loss or similar hardship without reaching out to them with such mercy and love and an understanding that can only come from someone who *knows*. From here on out, you will be an even more compassionate friend, listener, and comforter. More Christ-like than you were before (which just blows my mind by the way). Love you so, so, SO much and your testimony throughout the last week has certainly strengthened mine. *hugs*

Rachel said...

My sister had a still born around 25 or so weeks about a year ago and she said a lot of similar things. She had me read a book called "Gone To Soon" about losing a child and how to cope with people that are going through that. You're right, most of the time people don't know what to say, or are afraid of saying the wrong thing, so your list is wonderful. Love you guys!

Summer said...

Perfectly said! A blessing tgat will come for you is tgat you will now have great empathy for those who will have this experience, or have already experienced it. You will be a great blessing to many. I would hug you and cry with you if I saw you :). You are very strong in spirit. Such a wonderful example!

Adam & Brandi said...

Kayla, this was beautiful. I am deeply sorry for your lost. I think about you often. Know that you and your little family are in my prayers. You are a strong woman and from this trial I know you're only going to get stronger. I love you Kayla. Send my love to your husband too.

Adam & Brandi said...


Brinestone said...

This is beautiful! It reads like poetry, and it's perfect advice. I don't know you terribly well, even though we're cousins, but my heart has been aching for you since I heard the news. You will get a chance to raise that dear boy when you are reunited, and he will remember the loving way you spoke to him before he was born. I'm sure of it!

Lex-a-roo said...

Wow, we'll said. Good advice, thank you. I really wish I could make his easier for yousomehow. Wow, you are amazing. A great example of what to do when we face trials thank you for teaching me o much. You've been such a good friend if I can be there for you in anyway, pease let me know.

Unknown said...

Kayla and Thomas,

I was so sad to hear of the loss of your precious baby boy. I wish I was close enough to do something for you. Please know that you are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and hugs,
Melissa Albertson

Jessica Hall said...

This is so well written. I love that you shared this! My heart aches for you and I just want you to know that I love you and know that you guys are the perfect parents for this PERFECT baby boy.