Having our sweet Leah in our home, has been incredibly life changing for me. It is so different than with the boys. Don't get me wrong having them was and still is incredible and one of the best things ever, but looking back, I was so immature. I had no idea what I was doing, and it seems like my mind was elsewhere most of the time. I was in school a LOT during their life, and to be honest it was very hard having twins. At the time I just did it and it's all I knew, but sometimes I felt like a survivor and not an enjoyer....(good thing we all grew out of survival mode eventually). :)
This time around everything seems so much more real and I have matured in the way that I am a mom. I have grown to focus on my little ones with more purpose. I am always talking to Leah, trying to make her smile, giving her my undivided attention, and holding her when I can. I'm not sure if with the boys, it was because there was two of them, but it was very overwhelming a lot of the time. If it wasn't one of them, (crying, pooping, whining, hurt, or throwing a tantrum) it was the other. But with just one baby I feel like I can give my whole self a little more easily.
I have relaxed so much with my "need" to have a clean house. I definitely still like having everything clean and organized, but if the boys want to read a story and the dishes aren't done, i've started to choose the story instead. If Leah is fussy I snuggle her and rock her vs quickly putting her in her bouncer chair and heading to fold the laundry. When we get home from being out and about and Leah needs to eat I don't stress and think about how I need to get dinner going. Instead I am now choosing to relax and I have realized that the laundry will get folded, the dishes will get done, and dinner will get made..... at some point. Does it really matter when?
I still love a clean house. But I will do it when I can, which is more often than not, at a different time then I want it done. But that's okay. Yesterday, after we got home from camping and everything was everywhere, Leah was hungry. I went to feed her, and while I was sitting there I had to consciously tell myself that it was okay that everything was a disaster and you know what? It worked. I just sat there and enjoyed my little sweet heart. The mes was still there whether or not I stressed over it or not. So I fed her and talked to her for a while.